


in the tremor

by theformerone



Series: erik stevens, prince of wakanda [6]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Erik is processing a lot, Gen, Pre-Grief, Premonitions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 13:57:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18592654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theformerone/pseuds/theformerone
Summary: N'Jadaka is there when T'Challa just -





	in the tremor

**Author's Note:**

> i can't believe i didn't write something for the great dustening. hope y'all will forgive me for that lmao
> 
> title lifted from lady lamb's 'even in the tremor'

He is there, fighting for his life, in the Maned Lion suit, tearing through alien throats, and pushing his brothers in arms to fight beside him. To buoy them. Jama was still with Shuri in the labs, guarding her with Ayo. Between the two of them, Shuri would be safe, N'Jadaka was sure. 

But his aunt - Had she been evacuated? Had there been enough time to get her, along with the other elders on ships to their nearest allies? Had there been enough time before T'Challa opened the gate? Had there been - 

He can hear his uncle in his mind then; T'Chaka's low timbre, his gentle voice. ' _Ifs will lead you to loss. Look at what is here.'_ And from another corner of his mind (from the afterlife, which as of late, had been too intimately connected), he can hear his father whisper,  _'Comin' up on your right.'_

N'Jadaka fights. He was raised a prince of Wakanda. A priest of Sekhmet. A Maned Lion, and a Black Panther. He was born for righteous fighting. 

But his cowl is broken. There is blood in his eyes, and the sun in his eyes on top of that, and N'Jadaka can hear the Jabari dying around him. He can hear aliens dying, too. 

Then there is a silence. A silence that N'Jadaka has not known or named since he was a child and imposed it on himself. The quiet of gravestones and funerals in unfamiliar places, with strangers posing as family. The quiet of a tomb wreathed in water and flowers and earth. Quiet as a child, hiding in a closet, exhausted with weeping. 

He realizes he is nowhere near T'Challa. 

It seems like a foolish thought at first. T'Challa was king. He was a general. He could hold his own in battle with ten men, all twice his size. And besides, he had Okoye with him at all times, and she could handle thrice what he could. 

So why does N'Jadaka suddenly feel like an empty drum; whole, and hollow as the day his father died?

He runs. He doesn't know what makes him do it. Some twist of the lion goddess in him that says he must protect the pride. That the pride male was in danger, and so was the nation. 

N'Jadaka isn't sure if the spirit of Sekhmet herself takes him, but he tears across the low Wakandan fields like he is his goddess incarnate. Something was wrong. Awful wrong. Bone deep hollow ache blue as anything horrible wrong. It turned in his stomach, over and under as he runs, but he lets it take him. 

And there, just in sight is his cousin, his brother, his oldest friend, and the blood in N'Jadaka's eyes clears for a few moments so that he can see T'Challa. He tries to tell the goddess to relax, that the pride male is safe, that the pride is safe, that he has seen it done - 

T'Challa is fading like snow on the wind. T'Challa is ash. T'Challa is gone. 

And there is Okoye on the other side of him, shaking, her hands out, grasping for him, coltish on her legs like she is eleven and still too tall for them yet. She whispers after T'Challa, low and careful as to not frighten his spirit from departing. She tries to catch the ash on the wind, so that his soul will have something to be tethered to, and N'Jadaka wants to stop her from getting a palmful of earth to tether that to as well because he knows there is no soul to be retrieved from these ashes. 

Okoye is murmuring to herself, praying to her family's gods and N'Jadaka turns his head. He starts a low whoop in his throat, and waits for it to catch on the wind to other survivors, who will take up his call. 

_"The king is dead. Rally at base. The king is dead. Rally at base. The king is dead. Rally at base."_

It is a mournful howl, low and deep as a drum full of water. N'Jadaka holds his wound, and turns his face politely away from Okoye's prayers. He catches Rogers' eye, and the other man nods once. He understands the need to deliver the news and gather the living. 

For a moment, as he walks, seeing the damage, the landscape torn with blood and fire, he retreats into the boy in him still called Erik. He drags out some of his cool, his childhood stoicism. He needed it, and so did the survivors. Then for a second, his ears get hot, and he wonders if his auntie would clap him for that - 

And then that terrible thought lands in his head, and suddenly N'Jadaka is Erik again. Young, without brothers, and possibly without the only mother he's ever really known. 

He had already felt unmoored when he saw T'Challa - go. But Ramonda - If she - How - 

It's enough to bring him to one knee. Sharp tears sting at the blood in N'Jadaka's eyes, and wash it away in salt. When he looks out, he sees the sun over Wakanda, kingless, and in ruins. He closes his eyes, and he wails for the dead.

* * *

Later, much later, he will find that Jama had wailed from inside the palace as well, clawing at the ground where Shuri had stood before she, too, went with the ash and the wind.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i imagine that like ... the essence of the soul stone (since it represents .... the soul in everything, i guess) could be the essence of how human beings perceive god. therefore, for me, it stood to reason that if wakandans as a whole in their religious studies communicated/ate plants etc that were grown with vibranium/other heavenly excretions, that they could gain a kind of relationship with god/the soul stone in that way? it's a very heebie jeebie mystical headcanon, but it's mine, and that's essentially why n'jadaka can feel this awful thing happen before it happens. as a priest of sekhmet, he's attuned to the soul stone itself, so when he feels his best and oldest friend die, he feels the price of the soul stone get taken from him as well. 
> 
> that's a lot of trauma to happen at once huh :) we love angst in this house.


End file.
